Redirect Your Self-Critic
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We often have much higher expectations for ourselves than we do for anyone else. We say things to ourselves that we would never think would be acceptable to say to those we care about or even those we do not like very much. Our self-critic is quick to jump on our mistakes—even the smallest ones and tell us we did everything wrong.
The self-critic part of ourself can develop through our experiences throughout our lives—from societal messages, school, parents, peers, coaches, and many other interactions that convey the message that we are not good enough. It can also be a strategy that develops in order to cope with challenges or an attempt to avoid the critics or others, prevent suffering, or avoid future failure. We may have the idea that if we are hard on ourselves it will serve as motivation to work hard and make ourselves better. However, instead of being a motivator, criticism often increases self-doubt, impacts confidence, and we fall short of our potential.
Steps you can start today to turn your self-critic into your greatest supporter:
Treat yourself like a friend
Think about what you would say to a friend in the same situation. Show yourself the same compassion and support that you would use to encourage a friend. If you would not say those words to a friend, then they are likely not appropriate for you either.
Focus on what you want
Instead of focusing on what you don’t want, reframe your thoughts and words to focus on what you need to do to set yourself up for success. Focus on your task at hand instead of the end result. By focusing on the tasks you need to do, you are more likely to perform at your best and the results will automatically follow.
For example: The self-critic of a basketball player shooting a free throw may say “don’t miss this” or “I am not a good shooter”. Instead of these thoughts, the athlete can tell themselves “bend my knees and focus on the follow-thru”.
Ask what you did well
When you make a mistake, you may feel like you did everything wrong. In reality, you likely did a lot right. Often a mistake results from doing 80-90% right and just 10-20% wrong. You want to keep the 80-90% you did right for next time, and take the learnings from the 10-20% wrong. This approach delivers a much different message to your nervous system than feeling like you got it all wrong.
For more information on these and other strategies to redirect your self-critic or if you are a parent with a child needing support in this area,, contact Tonia at tonia@toniaandersonpsychology.ca or book a free consultation today.
Tonia Anderson is a Registered Psychologist (RPsych) with a Master of Counselling (MC) and Bachelor of Physical Education.(BPE). She has over 25 years of experience working with elite junior,amateur,and professional athletes, high performance teams, and individuals wanting to achieve their peak potential.She provides clients with a customized approach including coping tools and strategies as well as proactive prevention.