Why is Authentic Communication so Scary?

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Revealing our true self is the ultimate level of vulnerability. It can feel scary and even unsafe to ask for what we need and want. Have you found yourself holding back during communication at work, with friends, or even intimate relationships? Increasing your awareness of your barriers to open communication can help you be your authentic self.

Feeling not good enough

We often find it much easier to show grace, compassion, and empathy to our friends and family than to ourselves. We have a tendency to hold ourselves to a higher standard than we have for others. As a result, we may experience self doubt, shame, or not feel good enough in comparison to others. We may feel embarrassed to share our thoughts or be afraid of being wrong or making a mistake.

Fear of judgement

When we start to realize that not everyone sees the world the way we do, we can be afraid that others will judge us for having another perspective. This fear may come from past experiences such as being teased at school, being told your opinion is wrong by your parents, disagreements in the workplace, or relationship break-ups due to incompatibility.

Lack of modelling

If you did not grow up with adults that openly shared their thoughts, feelings, and emotions, or you were taught to keep composed around others, it may feel wrong to open up.

When you experience a sense of reluctance to share your thoughts, needs, or wants, take some time to reflect on what factors could be influencing your desire to hold back. Knowing what is fuelling you desire to hold back is the first step to finding a solution.

Contact Tonia at tonia@toniaandersonpsychology.ca if you would like to learn more about effective communication or work on your personal challenges in this area.